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  “I’d hate to make this big announcement and for everyone to be so happy and excited for us and then for something to happen. Like last time,” she choked out.

  He hugged her to him, stroking his hand over her hair. Though her first miscarriage had happened some years ago, for her it was like yesterday because she hadn’t regained her memory of the event until recently.

  “I don’t think I could bear it,” she said in a muffled voice. “It would be bad enough that we knew of our loss, but for everyone else to also have to grieve. I’d rather wait until I’m further along before we tell the others.”

  “I agree,” he said firmly.

  She swallowed and pulled away to look him in the eye.

  “Will you go with me to the doctor? I want so much for you to be with me. For you to share every step of the process with me.”

  He grasped her shoulders with gentle hands, but his gaze was intent and fierce.

  “Rachel, baby, I’m going to be with you every single minute of the way. I swear it. There is nothing that’s more important to me than you and our baby. Not KGI, not a mission. Nothing. I need you to understand that. No matter what’s happened in the past between us, this is the new us, okay? You come first. Always.”

  Joy flared in her eyes. And relief. It was a painful reminder of his past mistakes. But they were mistakes he’d never make again.

  He slid his hand down the silky bodice of her top until it rested over her slim belly.

  “Our child,” he said in wonder.

  She put her hands over his and squeezed. A splash of moisture dripped onto his hand, and he glanced up to see silver trails down her cheeks.

  For once, the sight of her tears didn’t rip his heart wide open. Because these weren’t tears of grief or pain. They were tears of extreme joy. Her smile was as wide as a mile, and it was the most beautiful sight he’d ever seen in his life.

  He’d carry to his deathbed this memory of her on her knees between his legs, his hands covering her belly as she cried tears of happiness.

  “We did it, Ethan,” she whispered huskily.

  “Hell yeah, we did,” he murmured just before he pressed in to devour her mouth.

  Chapter 5

  It was typical for Rachel to get up when Ethan did, and while he was out for his run, she’d make breakfast. She loved the early morning routine they’d comfortably fallen into.

  Usually she’d brew a pot of coffee because Ethan liked a cup after downing a bottle of water after his workout. But this morning—as with every morning of the past week—the smell of coffee nearly did her in.

  Perspiration beaded her forehead, and she swallowed huge gulps of air to try and steady her rebelling stomach. Unfortunately for her, the typical fare she made for breakfast didn’t at all agree with her now that she was pregnant.

  Eggs made her want to hurl. Bacon nauseated her. Sweet rolls made her clench her teeth and breathe through her nose. The only safe bet seemed to be dry toast or bread products like croissants or biscuits.

  She was leaning over the counter, inhaling settling breaths, when Ethan came in from his run.

  “Rachel?” he asked sharply. “Are you okay?”

  She quickly twisted around, forcing an appeasing smile to her face. The last thing she wanted was for him to worry. He’d do enough of that on his own without her help.

  “I’m fine,” she reassured him. “Honestly. It’s just that certain foods set me off now. Particularly breakfast stuff. I’m super queasy in the mornings. Less so in the afternoons, but I still have to be careful. Eggs and bacon in particular seem to trigger my symptoms.”

  Ethan frowned and then carefully moved her away from the stove where the bacon still sizzled and the eggs were hardening up and becoming fluffy.

  “Sit,” he ordered.

  Then he returned to the stove and finished the eggs and bacon, plating them while she watched.

  “What can you eat?” he asked.

  “Toast. A croissant. Anything dry.”

  “What can you drink?”

  She wrinkled her nose. “Mainly Sprite but we don’t have any. I just got the bare essentials at the grocery store yesterday. I need to do a full blown shopping trip today.”

  His frown deepened as he popped bread into the toaster.

  “We need to talk about the rest of the move. I know you’d planned to go pack boxes and stuff, but I don’t like the idea of you being alone at the house packing around heavier stuff. I know you don’t want to tell the family yet, so we can’t go to them with why I don’t want you doing very much.”

  She started to protest but he shook his head, his eyes glinting with the stubbornness the Kellys were famous for.

  “It’s Saturday. We aren’t training today so I’ll see if my brothers are free to come help pack boxes and get them onto the truck. If we can get it all done in one big push this weekend then we won’t be unpacking this crap for weeks.”

  She nodded her agreement. “I need to go shopping. I have an entire list of stuff we need. I’ll call Rusty and see if she wants to go.”

  “Good idea.”

  He lightly buttered the toasted bread and slid the saucer across the bar toward her. Her stomach rumbled, and her mouth watered in that icky way it did right before she usually got sick.

  She stared cautiously at the bread and then peeked up at Ethan. His expression was worried but even she couldn’t eat it just to appease him.

  “I can’t,” she said honestly.

  “Is there anything I can do?” he asked anxiously.

  She smiled and shook her head. “I’ll be fine. I haven’t eaten much of anything in the mornings for the last several days. Usually around noon, my stomach starts protesting and demanding something to eat.”

  “Any particular cravings you have? You name it, and I’ll make sure you have it for lunch.”

  Her chest ached with the love she felt for him.

  “Maybe not for lunch, but if someone wanted to break out the grill tonight and dish up some Kelly barbeque, I certainly wouldn’t complain.”

  “I’ll get Van on it,” Ethan said slyly. “He can’t resist anything for you. If I tell him you want some, he’ll do it.”

  Rachel shook her head, stifling her laughter.

  “Okay, so you’ll have the guys over to get the rest of the stuff from the other house, and I’m going shopping with Rusty.”

  “Yep,” Ethan said. “Unless you need one of the guys to go shopping with you. I don’t want you lifting anything too heavy.”

  She rolled her eyes. “I think I can manage groceries. I’ll pick up something for the grill while I’m out too.”

  Ethan nodded.

  Rachel reached for her cell phone just as it went off. She stared at the incoming number and other than recognizing it as local, she didn’t have it in her address book.

  “Hello?” she said as she put the phone to her ear.

  “Mrs. Kelly. This is Principal Talbot at the middle school. How are you today?”

  “I’m fine, thank you,” she said politely.

  “I apologize for calling you on a Saturday, but I have a situation with one of my teachers. Mrs. Ashton was in a car accident last night.”

  “Oh, I hope she’s all right.”

  “She’ll make a full recovery. But she’s going to be out for several weeks, and I’m scrambling to try and fill her position. I wondered if you’d be interested in taking over her class while she’s on leave.”

  Rachel’s eyes widened. “Yes, yes, of course I would.”

  She could see Ethan’s eyebrows go up in question from across the bar, and she held up one finger to signal that she’d let him know momentarily.

  “That’s wonderful. We appreciate your willingness to step in. If you’d like to come in a little early on Monday, one of the other teachers will brief you on where the children are.”

  “That’s fine. I’ll be there.”

  “Okay then, I’ll see you on Monday, and again, thank you.”

/>   “No problem. I’ll see you then.”

  She ended the call and then stared up at Ethan, excitement dancing up her spine.

  “One of the other teachers is going to be out for a few weeks, and they want me to fill in.”

  Ethan was silent for a moment. His words were careful when he spoke. “Do you think this is a good idea? For you to go back to work being pregnant?”

  She shot him a look of surprise. It never occurred to her that it wouldn’t be okay.

  “I’m not saying you shouldn’t,” Ethan hastily added. “And I’m certainly not telling you I don’t want you to work. Even if I don’t,” he added ruefully. “I just want to make sure this is something that doesn’t hurt you or the baby.”

  Her tension eased and she smiled. “We’ll be fine. Pregnant women work every single day. If I have to sit at home for my entire pregnancy, I’ll go insane. I’ll never make it. Teaching will give me something to focus on rather than worrying obsessively over the baby.”

  Ethan nodded. “I just want you to be sure.”

  “I am,” she said resolutely. “Now, I’m going to call Rusty and get going so we aren’t shopping the entire day. I’ve got my heart set on barbeque tonight.”

  Chapter 6

  Rachel checked her text messages and smiled when she saw three from Ethan. Two were checking up on her to see how she was coping at work, and the third was to let her know he’d gotten her an appointment right after school with an obstetrician in Murray, Kentucky, which was not far from where they lived, just across the border.

  There was a big women’s clinic in Murray, and she preferred to use it rather than the much smaller hospital and clinic in Paris, Tennessee.

  She sent a quick text back saying she’d meet him at the clinic and then turned her attention back to the papers in front of her. It was her planning period, and the classroom was empty of students and eerily quiet.

  Her first day had gone well. Far better than she’d anticipated. Oddly, she hadn’t suffered the attack of nerves she had on the day she’d substituted the previous week.

  For now, at least, this was her class. These were her kids.

  She frowned when she got to the paper of one of the girls in her class. Rachel knew the child to be particularly bright. Her grades reflected a studious nature and someone who took her classes very seriously.

  The test hadn’t even been completed. There were doodles up and down the margins. The name had been filled out and the few questions she had answered bore the responses of “I don’t care” or “Who cares?” The rest were left blank, and the paper was worn and crumpled as if the girl had fidgeted and toyed with it the entire testing period.

  Rachel put the test to the side, determined to delve further into the matter.

  She was absorbed in grading the rest of the test papers when the bell rang, startling her from her concentration. A moment later, the students began to file into the room, and she quickly sought out the girl whose paper had been rife with incorrect and unanswered questions.

  Jennifer was her name, and she was a beautiful, shy little girl. Not yet up with most of her classmates who were beginning to experiment with make-up and showing mad interest in boys.

  Rachel watched as Jennifer took her seat and hunched over at her desk, not looking anywhere but in front of her.

  Something was terribly wrong, and Rachel just hoped it wasn’t too complicated.

  It was difficult to continue casually in class without drawing notice to the fact she was preoccupied with Jennifer. The very last thing she wanted was to make the girl uncomfortable or draw attention to her.

  When the final bell of the day rang, dismissing the kids to the respective bus and car lines, Rachel breathed a sigh of relief.

  “Jennifer,” she called softly when the girl got up to depart the room. “Can I have a moment please?”

  Jennifer turned, her eyes wide with alarm. Nervousness radiated from her in tangible waves, and she fidgeted as she approached the desk.

  “I won’t keep you long so you won’t miss your bus,” Rachel said gently. “I was looking at your test paper from earlier and wondered what was wrong. It’s not like you not to perform well on an exam. You’re an excellent student with an A average in all subjects.”

  Jennifer’s face crumpled as tears flashed in her eyes.

  “I’m sorry, Ms. Kelly. I know what I did was wrong. I was just so angry and upset.”

  Rachel put her hand on Jennifer’s and squeezed gently. “I’m more concerned about you than I am one test grade. Is everything okay at home?”

  “N-no,” Jennifer sobbed. “My mom and dad are splitting up and it just sucks. They’re so selfish. They fight all the time, and they never think of anyone but themselves. They don’t care about me.”

  Rachel’s heart sank as she viewed the devastation in the younger girl’s eyes. Thirteen was such a hard age under any circumstances. Let alone when your entire family was crumbling in front of you.

  “I’m so sorry, honey,” Rachel said. “I know how upset you must be. I’m sure your mom and dad love you very much. Sometimes adults forget themselves and react emotionally, and often they say things they don’t mean.”

  “Maybe,” Jennifer mumbled.

  “How about you come in on your lunch break tomorrow, and I’ll let you retake your exam,” Rachel offered.

  Jennifer lifted her head, her eyes a little more hopeful than before and not so desolate. “You’d do that for me? I don’t deserve a second chance. I screwed up big time.”

  Rachel smiled. “Honey, we all deserve a second chance.”

  “Thanks, Ms. Kelly. You’re the best. I’ll be here. Promise.”

  “Keep your chin up, okay? Things will get better.”

  Jennifer sighed but didn’t respond. She turned, clutching her books to her chest, and hurried out the door.

  *

  Rachel sat in stunned silence in the exam room, hardly able to process what the doctor had told her. It was shocking enough to find out she was, by the doctor’s approximation, at least twelve weeks along, but when he’d done the internal sonogram to ascertain fetal age, he’d found two heartbeats.

  Twins.

  She couldn’t even wrap her head around it. Her hands shook every time she pried them away from one another, so she finally gave up and left them clasped tightly in her lap.

  Ethan leaned against the exam table where she sat, her legs dangling over the edge, and he seemed every bit as in shock as she was.

  His breath was explosive in the small room.

  “Holy shit,” he breathed. “Twins.”

  Then he turned to her, his eyes glowing with excitement.

  “Twins!” he said again.

  A broad smile attacked her face, and then she latched onto Ethan’s shoulders all but shaking him in her excitement.

  “Oh my God, Ethan. Two babies.”

  She felt light-headed, and for a moment she wobbled like a drunken party girl in four-inch heels. Ethan made a grab for her and held her steady so she didn’t fall off the exam table.

  “Whoa, sweetheart. Why don’t you come over here and sit. I don’t want you taking a header.”

  He led her to the chair against the wall and then eased her down. He knelt in front of her, her hands gathered in his.

  “We’re so blessed,” she whispered. “I can hardly believe it.”

  He smoothed the hair from her cheek and tucked it behind her ear. There was concern as well as elation in his eyes.

  “We’re going to have to be careful, baby. You’re going to have to take it easy. I don’t want anything to happen to you or to the babies.”

  She leaned into him, touching her forehead to his. “I’m scared out of my mind, but I’m so happy and giddy that I could just explode.”

  He kissed her softly. “I’m scared too. Terrified is probably a better word. This time is going to be different, Rachel. I swear it.”

  She looked at him long and hard, love welling from deep within her a
s she took in the sincerity of his words.

  “I lost a lot of my memories,” she said in a low voice. “Some have returned. Some have stayed buried. But perhaps the miscarriage should be a memory we both agree to put away and keep in the past where it belongs. It has no place in the here and now and serves no purpose except to make our hearts heavy with regret.”