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  “Thank you,” she whispered urgently in her ear.

  “No problem,” Rusty whispered back. “Now let’s go see what Mama Kelly brought us to eat.”

  *

  The evening was a flurry of activity. Marlene had come, and as Ethan had predicted, had brought enough food to feed an Army. Or at least the majority of the Kelly clan.

  Ethan showed up not long after with all his brothers in tow, plus Swanny, a family friend and member of KGI, and Ethan’s dad, Frank Kelly, as well. Not that anyone was going to allow Frank to do anything, but he could organize and oversee at will.

  He’d had a heart attack a few years earlier, and it was still very much on the minds of all the family members. The mere idea of losing him had them all in terror.

  Though Rachel packed her share of boxes, Rusty always stepped in, making sure she never lifted anything too heavy. Rachel could hardly contain her smile. Rusty was already acting fiercely protective of Rachel, knowing she was pregnant, even though she never let on so much as a hint that she was objecting to Rachel carrying anything heavy.

  “How was your first day, sweetness?” Garrett asked as he pulled Rachel into a hug.

  She returned the hug and squeezed him tightly. Garrett had always been one of her favorites. He’d been there during her first miscarriage, and he’d been a steadfast friend and shoulder to lean on during her return and recovery.

  “It was great. I was terrified and nervous, but it went so well. The kids were terrific. There were several teachers still there from when I taught before, and they all welcomed me back. It was really nice. I loved it.”

  Garrett smiled and ruffled her hair. “That’s wonderful. Glad to hear you sounding so happy.”

  “Hey Garrett, more working and less talking,” Sam called from across the room.

  Garrett rolled his eyes but let his arm drop from Rachel’s shoulders and ambled toward his brothers.

  Rachel smiled as she took in the big, noisy Kelly family. Ethan was right in the middle with three older brothers and two younger brothers. Sam was the oldest. Garrett was a year younger. Then there was Donovan, or Van as most of the family called him. Then Ethan and then the twins, Nathan and Joe.

  Of the six, four were married. Only Donovan and Joe hadn’t settled down yet and were showing no signs of doing so. Rachel wasn’t even sure they had a steady woman in their lives. They were so busy with KGI that it didn’t leave them a whole lot of free time, and what time they did get was usually spent with the family.

  She placed a hand over her belly, a flutter of excitement deep in her stomach. So far, Sam and his wife, Sophie, were the only ones who’d had a child. Charlotte. An adorable toddler who was doted on by every single member of the family.

  Garrett and his wife, Sarah, had only just married as had Nathan and his wife, Shea, and neither couple had voiced any desire to start a family yet.

  Of them all, she and Ethan had been together the longest. She often wondered if she hadn’t miscarried their first child how different their lives would be. Perhaps Ethan would have never left his SEAL team. Maybe he’d even now still be in the Navy. Maybe she wouldn’t have gone on the mercy mission to South America. At the time, she’d done it as much to escape the awful reality of her marriage as she had for the cause it supported.

  Losing their baby had been the catalyst for so many things. It was foolish to play the what-if game, but she couldn’t help but wonder how different things might have been if only…

  “Everything okay, Rachel?”

  She blinked and looked up to see Joe standing in front of her, his eyes dark with concern. Then she glanced rapidly around, hoping that she hadn’t attracted attention from the others. To her relief they were too busy loading furniture onto the truck.

  “Everything’s fine,” she said with a genuine smile.

  And it wasn’t a lie. Everything was okay. More than okay. Maybe even perfect.

  He smiled, relief edging out the worry on his face.

  “Time for dinner break,” Marlene called from the kitchen she’d been packing up just moments earlier.

  There was a whoop from her sons, and Rachel stood back, enjoying the very normal way of life in the Kelly family. Lots of love, unconditional support, always a helping hand, and plenty of food, thanks to Mama Kelly.

  It was a family she’d bring a son or daughter into, and she couldn’t wait. How fortunate her child would be to grow up under the umbrella of so much love and loyalty.

  Ethan walked up to her, sliding his arm around her shoulders and pulling her into him.

  “Hey, you hungry? Let’s go grab something to eat before the hyenas get it all.”

  Rachel laughed, allowing some of the bubbling joy to surge right out of her soul. She caught Rusty’s grin from across the room and shared a secret smile with the other girl.

  She let Ethan lead her toward the kitchen as she dreamed of the perfect way to tell him he was going to be a father.

  Chapter 4

  It was late when the truck was unloaded at the new house and everything was set up. Oddly, Rachel had insisted that their bed be moved first so they could stay the night here instead of at their old home.

  It felt strange to say old home. Ethan still hadn’t adjusted to the idea of a new house. Oh, he agreed with the idea that they should live behind the walls of the compound. He was on board with anything that assured him of his wife’s safety. Or at least gave her an added measure of protection.

  But Rachel seemed…eager to move. She showed no outward signs of regret over leaving their old life.

  He flopped down on the bed waiting for her to finish in the shower and join him. The thought shouldn’t nag him, but there was something he couldn’t quite put his finger on. He wondered if everything was all right with Rachel and if she really was taking the move as well as she seemed to be.

  He worried endlessly over causing her any upset. His brothers cautioned him not to go so overboard and to lighten up. Not to smother her. He knew they were right, but they’d never lived with the knowledge that the woman they loved beyond all measure had died. That they’d pushed her away. That they’d rejected her. Taken her love and thrown it in her face.

  Ethan had done all of that. He’d lived it. He’d had the very heart of him taken away the day he was informed that Rachel had died in that plane crash.

  To this day, he still woke in a cold sweat, reaching frantically beside him to reassure himself that she was here. Alive. Next to him.

  So if he was a little overbearing, surely it was understandable. Not many people had lost and then miraculously regained a loved one. He damn well was going to make sure he didn’t ever lose her again.

  The bathroom door opened, and Rachel stepped out, her skin rosy and glowing from the heat of the shower. Her hair was wet, and she was toweling it dry as she walked toward the bed.

  She was wearing a teeny, tiny silk camisole set that drove him insane. The shorts—if you could call them that—barely covered her ass, and the cami top plunged between her breasts, damn near baring her belly button.

  She may as well not wear anything at all, which would be more than fine with him, but then she did love to tease him mercilessly and then pretend innocence when he tore the little scraps of material from her body.

  She’d filled out a lot since the day they’d brought her home from South America. She’d bordered on gaunt. Hell, she had been gaunt. A ghost of her former self. Thin. Deep shadows under and in her eyes. Her hair had been lopped off without care, and she’d looked intensely frail. As if the slightest thing would knock her off balance.

  How deceptive her appearance had been, because to survive as she had, she would have to have been forged in steel and possessed the will of a warrior.

  Now her curves had returned, though she’d always been more willowy. But she’d lost the look of fragility. Her hips were more rounded. Even her breasts were plumper, and she’d gained much-needed pounds.

  Her hair had grown long again, and it wa
s thick and glossy and healthy-looking. Her eyes glowed with contentment. He never tired of that look on her. He’d seen her with despair that was bone deep, and if he never had to see such a thing again, it would be too soon. Whatever he had to do to prevent her from ever feeling that kind of hopelessness, he’d do.

  “Hand me a comb and I’ll brush out your hair,” he offered.

  She sent him a smile that curled his toes. He knew she loved to have her hair brushed, and it was a simple thing that brought him every bit as much pleasure as it did her. It was an excuse to hold her. To touch her. To simply spend time with her and just…be.

  He’d taken those things for granted before. He’d never make that mistake again.

  She retrieved a comb from the bathroom and then crawled onto the bed and settled between his legs after he’d positioned himself against the headboard.

  He started at the bottom, gently working the comb through her tangles. She tilted her head back, and he could see that her eyes were closed, her expression one of deep contentment.

  It was automatic for him to smile. His chest tightened and then eased as the knot of emotion formed and then loosened, spreading warmth all the way to his soul.

  God, but he loved this woman. He never wanted to be without her.

  As he finished detangling her hair, he leaned forward and kissed the side of her neck, inciting a shiver that he felt go down her entire body.

  “I have an idea,” he murmured suggestively. “I was thinking that we do away with the silky bits you call sleepwear and then we practice making that baby. Practice makes perfect or so they say.”

  She went completely still, and then she twisted around, positioning herself so that she was on her knees between his legs facing him.

  “Speaking of that…” she began.

  He studied her intently, wondering if perhaps the idea of pregnancy had been occupying her thoughts of late. Perhaps it was why he couldn’t quite put his finger on her mood.

  “Are you having second thoughts?” he asked. “Because it’s absolutely okay if you are, baby. I certainly don’t mind waiting as long as it takes for you to feel comfortable with it. I want you to be sure you’re ready.”

  Part of him hoped she was reconsidering. He wasn’t certain she was strong enough yet—physically or emotionally—to endure a pregnancy. And God forbid, what would happen if she miscarried again? It would devastate her, and he couldn’t bear for her to be hurt like that.

  She smiled then, and it was so breathtakingly beautiful that for a moment he couldn’t force air into his lungs.

  She gathered his hands in hers and pulled them to her chest, her hands cupped over his as they pressed against her skin. He could feel the gentle rhythm of her heart as her warmth seeped into his fingers.

  “Apparently you don’t need practice at all,” she said in a hushed tone barely above a whisper. “It would appear that you’re quite the expert. We did it, Ethan. We made a baby!”

  His eyebrows went up, and his mouth dropped open. He stared at her in complete befuddlement as he tried to collect his scattered wits.

  “We did what?” he asked hoarsely.

  Her smile grew even broader, and tears shone in her eyes, making them a glossy, rich brown.

  He raised trembling hands to frame her face, and he thumbed away the tears as they brimmed over her eyelids.

  “We’re having a baby?” he whispered.

  She nodded, her eyes shining like stars.

  He was assaulted by a multitude of emotions all at the same time. Indescribable joy. Gratitude. Gut-wrenching fear. Overwhelming love and tenderness for the woman he was holding in his hands.

  “When? How?”

  He ended the sputtering before he turned into a blithering idiot.

  “Rusty went to buy me a home pregnancy test after she got to the house tonight. I was sick in the bathroom, so she went out for me. She bought two, and I took them both. They both came up positive.”

  He frowned. “Sick? Are you all right?”

  She leaned into him, nuzzling her face into the side of his neck. “I’m fine. Just normal pregnancy stuff. I shouldn’t have sipped the wine. I knew… I mean I suspected there was a chance. I’ve felt off for several days. Sick in the mornings and afternoons. Overwhelming fatigue. Tenderness in my breasts. I think I was just afraid to have it confirmed.”

  He stroked his hands down her body, caressing, just wanting to touch her in some way. He laid his cheek on the top of her head and cuddled her even closer, his heart about to burst right out of his chest.

  “Are you okay now? Do you need anything?” he asked anxiously.

  He felt her smile against his neck.

  “Right now I couldn’t be more perfect. I’m right where I want to be.”

  He pulled her up his body even more until her mouth hovered precariously close to his.

  “Have I told you lately how much I love you?”

  Her smile lit up the entire room once more.

  “As a matter of fact, you have, but I never get tired of hearing it.”

  “A baby,” he said in awe.

  It was too much for him to comprehend. Oh, they’d talked about it. Seriously. They’d not made the decision to start trying for a baby lightly. It had taken months for them to talk out all the possibilities, the potential issues that could arise, whether they were ready for parenthood, whether their fragile relationship could withstand the risks involved.

  They’d even talked about it in therapy.

  Nothing about this decision had been made lightly, and yet Ethan was gobsmacked now that the reality was staring him in the face.

  A baby.

  A son or a daughter.

  A part of Rachel, a woman who meant the world to him. Who meant everything to him.

  His own eyes burned, and he blinked away the discomfort. His stomach clenched into a ball, and his chest tightened and flexed uncomfortably.

  “Are you happy about it?” she asked anxiously.

  He stared up in stupefaction at the worried glint in her eyes. He gathered her more closely, until their noses touched and their breaths mingled.

  “Oh baby, I’m over the freaking moon. I don’t even have words. Happy? That seems such a pussy word for what I’m feeling right now. God, I’m happy, but I’m also scared shitless for you.”

  Her smile was gentle, and she reached up to touch his cheek. “I’ll be fine, Ethan. I have you now.”

  That one statement. Just those simple words had the power to undo him. He had to close his eyes to prevent himself from completely breaking down and unmanning himself.

  “Yes, you have me now,” he said hoarsely, so choked up that he could barely get the words out.

  She hadn’t had him before. They both knew it. He’d checked out of their relationship early on. He was never there for her when she needed him. And after her miscarriage it got even worse.

  He’d very nearly destroyed the one good thing in his life. The one person he loved beyond reason, and he’d tried his damnedest to push her away.

  “You’ll always have me, Rachel. You and our baby both will have me. I swear it. You’ll never have to worry about whether I’m with you or not.”

  She caressed his cheek with loving hands and then pressed her mouth carefully to his.

  “I’m not worried, Ethan,” she whispered against his mouth, her words swallowed up when he inhaled.

  “When do you want to tell the rest of the family?” he asked.

  They’d be so thrilled. Though most of his brothers had gone on to marry, Rachel was still the first. She was dearly loved by his brothers and his parents. By his sisters-in-law as well. Rachel’s pregnancy would be greeted with so much love and enthusiasm. He had no doubt that when the day came for her to deliver, that every single Kelly would be crowded around at the hospital, all holding their breath waiting for his son or daughter to arrive.

  She licked her lips nervously as she pulled away. For the first time, anxiety burned in her eyes.


  It was automatic for him to reach for her. To take her hands. To reassure her in some way.

  She vibrated with unease.

  “I don’t think we should say anything yet,” she said in a low voice. “It’s early yet. I honestly don’t remember when my last period was. They were kind of irregular after I stopped taking birth control, and I didn’t think anything of it. So I honestly don’t know how far along I am. I won’t know until I see a doctor.”

  She took another breath and plunged ahead.